TABLE OF CONTENTS INTRODUCTION BY NORMAN JONES I Nee-hi : CHAPTER ZERO

I Nee-hi: Chapter Zero

I awoke with a start and then feeling the pain, put my head back down again. Whoever came around on Career Day, toting the brochures telling of the extravagant lifestyles of royal scribes lied. I slowly sat up in my bed and then walked to my wash table, stepping up on my stool and checking my reflection in the wash basin. I looked old.. older than I remember looking before. And the stiff pain I felt, I didn't remember feeling before and yet it was familiar at the same time. Of course, this job will age you.

Spending your life writing down somebody else's life was a hard way to live. I shook my head, washed up and put on my tunic. I stepped down from the stool and got my writing instruments. Securing the job in the first place was a bit of a hard sell, but I pushed the fact that being of short stature, I might be privy to conversations that a regular scribe with their height and big clumsy feet might not be able to record. The kingdom was ruled by four Princesses, and being Princesses, they were big on gossip, so I was in.

Normally, the scribes in this Kingdom travel in pairs. That tradition started when one day, long ago, the royal scribe fell asleep while one of the Princesses was giving her annual State of the Royal Kingdom address. The Princess was upset naturally and the vizier advised her, saying, "This is why, your Highness, when your scribe crashes, its good to have a backup."

As I was making my way to the royal court, I was struck by a certain emptiness. For one, I found it odd that I couldn't really remember anything recent, yet when I looked back in my records, I would suddenly recall the events. When I was joined by my companion, Zair, I had my second surprise.

"Zair, what are you wearing?"
"My uniform, I'm your assistant."
"My assistant? But we used to be the same rank."
"Boy, the years have ganged up on you, Nee-hi, don't you remember? I became your assistant ten years ago."
And again, all of a sudden, I had the memory in my head, faintly.
"Oh, okay. Yeah, I remember."
"Is everything okay, Nee-hi?"
I shook my head.
"I'm not sure." I thought some more and said, "I am sure of one thing. I think I may be done here."
"What?"
"Zair, I've been doing this for how long? I always thought I would sometime make it on my own, by this time. All of sudden, I find myself much older and in the same place."
"But I'm your assistant."
I smiled.
"I know, Zair, and I appreciate all you've done. But I guess I expected more out of my life."
"How about religion? That might give some depth, some purpose to your life"
I shrugged.
"Yes, but which one? There's so many and they all promise the same thing and yet they're all so very different. Which is the right one?"
"I don't know, I guess you could try a few.. there's Pythagoras, but you're not much into math, are you?"
I shook my head.
"Hmm, how about the cult with the carpenter that sprang up last month?"
"A carpenter?"
"Yeah, apparently, he says he's the son of God."
"But which God? There's so many of them. I think I just need to leave, Zair, and make my own way."
"Wow, you're thinking about leaving? Seriously? But you've been here so long," Zair looked down and kicked at the floor, "I mean I know I would miss you."
"Miss me nothing," I laughed, "you'll be too busy relishing your new top position."
Zair's eyes lit up.
"Ooooo, that's right, I didn't think of that." Zair started rubbing his hands.
I shook my head and smiled.
"I guess I should tell the Princesses."
"Oh yes, you should. Maybe they'd be able to give you some guidance or advice."
"Well," I said," I could definitely use some."

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I made my way to Princess Rhu's throne room. I picked her first, because she can be a bit volitile. She's gracious and benelovent, but just a bit on the explosive side.

"NEE-HI!"

Princess Rhu held her arms wide and threw a bright, shining smile. The Princess kept a pet tiger by her throne and when she exclaimed, the tiger's head came to attention and looked in my direction. When he saw that it was just me, he snorted his approval and laid his head back down. The Princess came flashing down the platform where her throne was, carrying her staff, her red and yellow gown trailing behind her.

"Good morning, your Highness, Princess Rhu, Princess of the flaming fire, ruler of..."
"Oh now, son, you can just stop all that going on, its just me, your Aunt Rhu."

Just to set things straight, none of the Princesses are my aunts and additionally, Princess Rhu happens to be from Southern Babylonia. She stopped just short of me, picked me up and gave me a big hug. Usually, I really don't like being picked up and manhandled and such... but I just knew that her Royal Highness was showing her affection.

"Now, my boy, just what have you been up to this morning?"
"Well, actually, your Highness," I said as I shuffled my feet, "I came to tell you something rather important."
"Ohhhh well, you had better come and sit down here right beside me and tell me all about it."
As she said this she started combing her fingers through my hair, cradling her staff in her other arm.
"Well, your Highness, um, I was thinking of... leaving."
The combing stopped.
"Leaving? My boy, now why would you leave? Is it me? Did I drive you away? It was me, wasn't it? I was too demanding, too needy, too clingy? Is there someone else? Another woman?"
"Oh no, your Highness, no..."
"It IS another woman, isn't it? Oh, I guess I can't blame you. I'm certainly not getting any younger. I'm sure she a sweet young thing..."
"No, no, your Highness, its not that at all. It's just that I feel its time I move on. I just need to find my way."
"Your way?"
"Actually, I'm looking for the way... I mean, the way that everyone wants to find."
"Ohhh," she said, narrowing her eyes, "you're looking for the One True Way."
"Yes! Yes, I am," I said excitedly, "do you know what it is?"
The Princess smiled slowly.
"No, my dear, I don't. And if I may give you a piece of advice, seriously, before you go on your way?"
"Oh yes, your Highness, please."
"If anybody and I mean anybody tells you they know the 'One True Way', you take whatever they say with a shaker full of salt."
"A shaker full, your Highness?"
"Yes, my boy. Because there a lot of people out there like you, Nee-hi. And there's also a lot of people who will tell you whatever you want to hear."
Understanding, I nodded and said, "Yes, your Highness, thank you."
Princess Rhu laughed and smiled.
"I'm gonna miss you, Nee-hi, heaven knows you're about the only man who's stuck around this long. Maybe while you out looking for the way, you can find me and my sisters suitable husbands."
I thought and realized that there was not a shallow request. None of the Princesses had married and so had no progeny to pass on their reign.
"I will do my best, your Highness."
"Thank you, dear, now you better get before its gets to long in the day."
"Yes, you Highness, thank you."
Princess Rhu knelt down and kissed me softly on the forehead and then walked slowly back to her throne.

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I walked into Princess Rosa's throne room and found the Princess playing with the fountain that had been installed there. It was a huge fountain of beautiful white marble and lotus flowers floating in the swirling blue and green crystal clear water. There were swans swimming in bottom of the fountain, dodging the water flowing down the giant statue of mermaids. Princess Rosa had a golden chalice in her hand and was watching the water flow from the cup to the fountain before scooping up some more.

"Princess Rosa?"
"Yes?", she said, looking up, "Oh, Nee-hi, its you. How are you doing this morning?"
"I'm fine, good morning, your Highness," I bowed, "Princess of the flowing water, Ruler of the refreshing spring."
The Princess smiled, rose and walked back to her throne, adjusting her blue and orange gown before sitting down slowly.
"Good morning, Nee-hi, its good to see you this morning. I hear you that you are thinking seriously of leaving us."
I blinked.
The Princess smiled.
"This is a palace ruled by four Princesses, Nee-hi, news travels fast."
"I see, but yes, you heard right. I was going to take my leave."
"To find the One True Way, I hear."
"Yes, that's true."

The Princess nodded and smiled gently, her hands slowly folding in her lap. The Princess's movements were always graceful and fluid, but measured. I knew from experience that this gracefulness and beauty belied a steady and sure strength.

"Well, there's many ways out there. It will be hard to sort them all out."
"I know, some people search all their lives. It just seems that mine has passed me by and I haven't even made an effort to find it. Zair was telling me the one with the carpenter."
"Oh yes, he's been called the Messiah, I hear he turned water into wine."
"He's been called the Messiah, because he does... magic tricks?"
"Yes Nee-hi, given that train of thought, we haven't a good messiah around here since Bubbles the Clown."
I nodded.
"Well, his balloon animals were awe-inspiring, your Highness."
"Yes, they were," then the Princess paused and said, "If you're going to do this, you're going to have to presevere."
"Yes, your Highness."
"And I don't mean just some good old sticktoitiveness. I mean, Nee-hi, you're going to be tested to your mettle. Like the smiths that purify gold to be used for jewelry, you're going to be tried in the crucible," the Princess' stern face faded, "Leave it to a Princess to use a analogy involving jewelry."
I smiled, "Yes, your highness, I'll remember your advice. Um, your Highness, Princess Rhu said something about being on the lookout..."
"Oh, don't tell me she put you on the hunt for husbands."
"Um, yes, your Highness, she did."
"Honestly, you'd think she believes they're just going to fall out of the sky. I've been on her for quite some time now, we're going to put some personal effort into this."
"Are you thinking of leaving the kingdom for courtship?"
"Its looking that way, I just really don't know where to start. I'd hate to waste time looking in places where there are no prospects."
"Your Highness, what if I scouted out some locations for you?"
"You mean...?"
"If I find a kingdom with four likely prospects, I will send you all word. That way you can all do the courtship yourselves and leave the preliminary legwork to me."
The Princess nodded slowly.
"Yes. Yes, Nee-hi, that sounds like a plan. Thank you very much, dear."
"You're welcome, your Highness."
"May your presevere like a mighty river making its way to the ocean."
"Thank you, your Highness."
I bowed and turned, making my way from Princess Rosa's throne room.

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As I walked to Princess Sophia's room in the east section of the palace, I prepared myself for my entry. Her Highness could be very straightforward and as sharp as the sword she routinely carries on her hip. She could be very clever and very cruel. There was no mistake of her affection and she was fiercely loyal, but she felt that the truth was worth saying because it was the truth. Her intuition was legendary, and often, subjects of the kingdom would come to her to seek her advice.

Introduction by Norman Jones

It was a night like most other nights. I retired to bed and was heavy in slumber, when I was awoken by a blinding light at the foot of my bed, brighter than a million suns. I shielded my eyes from the light and I could faintly make out a personage in glimmering robes and brilliant countenance. As the light faded, and my eyes adjusted, I made out a man, standing with his arms folded. I shook my head and blinked my eyes at the apparition. He majestically unfolded his arms and dramatically held out his hand, for within it was … a business card.
Hesitantly, I took the card from his hand and to my astonishment read, “Angelic Messenger Service. ‘Serving the Lord since God knows when’”.
I looked from the card to the angel and he opened his mouth, so as to speak.

“Norman Jones?”
“Y-y-yes?” I stammered.
He then withdrew a clipboard from his robe.
“Norman A. Jones, of 1515 S. Maplewood Lane?”
“Yes.”
“Finally,” he heaved a sigh of relief, “do you know how many ‘Norman Jones’ there are?”
“No.”
“More than you can shake a staff at.”
I nodded.
“I have a message for you from on high,” the angel proclaimed, “Lo, not far from this abode, there lies a treasure, a treasure of immeasurable worth. A treasure which, if discovered, could change the course of human history.”
I am loathe to admit it, but my human nature got the best of me and I blurted out, “Is it gold?”
“No, it is not gold."
“Is it diamonds?”
“No,” the angel said, “It is not gold, nor diamonds, nor emeralds, nor sapphires, nor rubies, nor a chest full of those little crunchy things you get from the fried fish place on the corner.”
“Oh,” I said disappointingly, “I like those.”
“They are nice,” he admitted, “but no, this is much more valuable. It is… a book.”
“A book?”
“Well, it’s a very important book, no mistake about it. And it is your mission to find it and present it to the world.”
“So,” I said, as I sat up straight in my bed, “I was chosen?”
“Yes, Norman Jones, you were.”
“Oh well, um… and why was I chosen?” I said demurely.
“Why were you chosen,” the angel repeated, “um, let’s see…” The angel got out his clipboard again and consulted his notes, flipping through several sheets of paper. “You were… chosen… because… oh, I know I have that written down somewhere… oh yes, here it is. ‘Nearest to the dig site’.”
My face fell.
“Nearest to the dig site?”
“Yep.”
“It’s not because I’m righteous?”
“No.”
“Virtuous?”
“No.”
“Moral?”
“No.”
“A good person?”
“No.”
“Hygienic?”
The angel sighed, “No”
“It’s not because I pray every morning and every night, go to church every Sunday and never had an impure thought in my life?”
“No, no, and we know better than that.”
“Oh,” I dropped my head and fidgeted, “I mean, you know, maybe it’s just a little bit about the fact that I won the Lincoln Elementary spelling bee two times…”
“Let it go!’ the angel interrupted.
“Okay.”

After that, the angel gave me directions as to where this miraculous book was buried. It turned out it was on the premises of a school playground near my house. The angel then produced the clipboard again.

“Now, if you’ll just sign this.”
“What is it?”, I said, looking it over.
“Oh, its just a statement saying that I did deliver the message to you and a wavier.”
“A wavier?”
“Yeah, you know, it releases me and the powers that be, from any responsibility for damages. I mean there’s some people an angel can appear to and bring a message from on high and they’re okay with it. Then there are other people… they just kinda go all higgidly-piggidly.”
“Ohh, I see,” I said slowly.
“Excellent, now if you’ll just sign here… and here… and over here… then initial here… and here… your shoe size… and then sign here, thank you. And here’s your copy,” the angel said, handing me a piece of paper. He then promptly vanished in a flash and burst of heavenly music. I immediately made plans to go excavate first thing in the morning.

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Fortunately, the next day was a Saturday, so I dug at the playground with few interruptions. I dug for some time and then lo (about three feet, to be exact), I hit upon a container. It was a sqaurish metal container made of tin with faded colors. It had a lid which was secured with a latch. Upon opening the sacred container, I found many items. There was a roundish vessel filled with a purple liquid and food that although was wrapped for preservation, did not make it through the mists of time. Obviously, I thought to myself, some sort of communion kit for a wayward traveller. Then, with shaking hands, I found the manuscript. Several sheaves of paper bound together with a thin tin wire, but immediately, I was dismayed. The handwriting was unintelligble, obviously written in a foreign language and I opined. How, I thought, was I going to bring this book to world if I myself couldn't make heads or tails of it? And then, came the greatest discovery of all. There in the metal container were two glass spheres about the size of dimes with colored swirls dancing inside them. I took the two spheres and placed them before my eyes and behold, I was able to make sense of the venerable manuscript. I took the package home and got busy translating.

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It turns out the manuscript was the chonicle of a brave and courageous Babylonian dwarf scribe named Nee-hi. This man, in spite of his short stature took upon himself to go on a quest to find the One True Way. He wrote of his journeys in three books he named I Nee-hi, II Nee-hi and the third book he dedicated to his favorite fruit found common in the Mediterranean, that book became to be known as Grape Nee-hi. With the translation completed, I am very honored to present this book to the public for their edification and blessing.

blessings along your path,
Norman Jones